i have been searching for a name that described my life and my heart – in returning to blogging.

>>> so i landed with “broken bole” <<<

“broken” has always been a word that has described my life and what i felt. for so long, broken was only a negative word for me though. but it’s so much different now…

broken: is so much more about a life of understanding where i have come from and why i have a future. i am a broken man who has been given immense grace by God. My brokenness is not irreparable, i know who i am in Christ – but also know where i have come and how much i’ve messed up too. brokenness is so hopeful, yet so humbling as well.

“bole” has many meanings, but the one i latched onto was it means “clay”. clay can come in all forms – from a hard finished product (that is breakable) to a moldable slab of putty that the artist can shape and change to fit the artists plan of what it should be.

bole: yeah, i could have just said clay or putty and not try to be catchy by using “broken bole”… but i liked how it sounded and with it meaning clay, i was hooked! i am using it in the way of a moldable piece of clay/putty. i continue to hope that out of my brokenness, that God will continue to shape me and mold me.

so this is it, from “cracked round peg” (a blog about not fitting in and wanting to be different and express frustrations with life and the local church as i saw it) to “broken bole” (hopefully a blog that is more hopeful, but is so aware of the grace and love i have received… undeserved).

Quick background… Brandon and I started looking at Christian Bumper stickers because they usually drive us nuts and he wanted to come up with counter stickers to show the ridiculousness of them. So we stumbled upon a site with a wide range of bumper stickers called “Cafe Press.

I broke them up into 3 parts… “Funny”, “Just Sad…”, and “If I put Stickers on my car…”

Here’s my favorite ones that I thought were funny (and maybe a little sad too):

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————– …click here to read more

in honor of the “King of Pop” – the greatest music video ever made:

“Thriller” by Michael Jackson

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to continue the posts after i just finished “the furious longing of God” by Brennan Manning; here’s the 2 part in a  2-parter on the things that really hit me in what he wrote. i’ll again do a quote/excerpt from the book and put a few comments below!

“My God, My Abba, Why, Why have You forsaken Me now”. St. John of the Cross said it will never be given to any human heart to understand the depth of desolation, utter abandonment, incredible loneliness, and complete forsaken that lay behind Jesus’ cry. But even in that cry, there is no indication that Jesus ever lost trust or hope or confidence in His Abba”

it’s kind of hard to fathom what Jesus could have felt. The weight of his task at hand, the emotions and thoughts of a human being going to die, the divine nature that was so in sync with the Father that has now been split… the sins of the world – past, present and future. for me, it kind of puts the petty things i complain to God about that He didn’t give me what i wanted or felt like He’s not hearing me.

Jesus said you are to love one another as I have loved you, a love that will possibly lead to the bloody, anguished gift of yourself; a love that forgives seventy times seven, that keeps …click here to read more

i just finished “the furious longing of God” by Brennan Manning and wanted to do a 2-parter on the things that really hit me in what he wrote. i’ll do a quote/excerpt from the book and put a few comments below!

here we go:

Those of us scarred by sin are called to closeness with Him around the banquet table. The kingdom of God is not a subdivision for the self-righteous or for those who lay claim to private visions of doubtful authenticity and boast they posses the state secret of of their salvation

:: How many us truly believe (even if we “know” it) that we are called to closeness with God, especially those who …click here to read more

great stuff on why counseling should incorporated into the local church as well… (from the blog “resurgence” – article by Tim Lane)

thoughts… ::

Two More Reasons to Incorporate Counseling in the Local Church

Tim Lane

regardless of your position on gay marriage… i just can’t get behind the authors assertion of Bible argueing different because for the reasons she gave. i think she did more proof texting and did more reading into what she wanted things to say.

there has no doubt been much hate, disrespect and lack of love shown to the Homosexual community by Christians. I have heard christians say to me that they have felt the same hostility towards them from the Homosexual community as well… that’s fine, but as Christians whether we are loved or hated  – we are called to be different. Love doesn’t mean always agreeing or rubber stamping someone elses choice though. But there is the point, God does afford us all a choice… and what we do with those choices do affect others – but we have to answer to God in the end for our choices (unless you don’t believe in God and I guess it’s no big deal then!). I’m not beating arund the bush with what I believe, it’s here. My issue with this article is I believe she took way too many liberties with the Bible, and i believe she’s a little off in her assertions on love.

hear’s the article… do with it what you will.

(due to the inability of many on both sides of this issue to be civil and respectful to one another, comments have been disabled on this poast now… sorry! I wish people could be more respectful to one another even in disagreement, but that seems almost impossible I guess)

…click here to read more

for a few months now, corrie and i have been discussing the end of “cracked round peg”. i think when CRP started it was such reaction to feeling outcast, squeezed out, un-important, not good enough, etc… for church (global body, not just a particular church). we love the “body of Christ” wholly, we just struggled with religion.

i’m not sure i knew the way in which our posts and discussions would take over the last few years. verbal and written wars with other bloggers and churches became a standard practice. and as much as the battle bothered us, it was also a rush to stand up for what we believed and take jabs at the opposition who we believed were wrong and who we per sieved to be hurting people. i thought after a few meetings with those we had offended or alienated by our discussions – all would be different. but over time, it returned to some of the same thing (especially on my end), just somewhat more civil and a little more guarded. in the last few posts, you’ve seen me probably fight against something we have known needs to happen – for the body, for established relationships, for our mental and spiritual health, and for the gospel – the time has come to end CRP.

i have spent the last few weeks getting around to many friends who read this here to share why we have been thinking about a move in a new direction and stop public blogging here. i had a great time today talking to two friends, andrew and nic, on why we feel this. i told them honestly i don’t think i can always write on here in a way that builds up the body correctly. too many times i get caught up in the disagreements or the attacks from either side – and choose to engage in a way that is unhelpful to our faith and shows nothing about Good News of the Gospel. I have been challanged by reading “Off-Road Disciplines” by Earl Creps. In there he talks a lot about humility and harmony among believers so that we represent well. and we just don’t feel like that will happen on here. i regretfully get sucked in out of a lack of self-control and in a way that doesn’t build up or disagree in a loving manner. and we really feel it needs to change – even if only for our own walk, but assuredly for others and God too.

Disagreements and discussion are healthy and good i believe when walking in faith together. so corrie and i are searching for a better and more appropriate way in which to do this, a way in which love, grace, mutual respect, self-control, and peace are the core of discussion with those of faith in Christ. i know we have had many different faiths and walks who have read and commented on here, thanks for stopping by. this may all sound like hogwash to you, but i am a strong believer in which the way followers treat each other is of great importance to what we are preaching. and in our lives, ending public blogging is a good and important step in our own lives – a needed step that will bring peace to our own lives and journey with God. and hopefully bring much needed rest to unnecessary public feuding over faith and methods, at least from this blog.

“Jesus cast an entirely different light on the purpose of unifying his followers: ‘May they be brought to complete unity,’ he prayed,
‘to let the world know that you (God) sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.’ Jesus asks the Father to bring us
together so that those in need of good news might believe it can be found among Christians. In one sense, then, the world around
us stands as the end user of our relationships with each other. That’s why unity is a core element of our mission.”
- Earl Creps, “Off Road Disciplines”

sorry for those of you who have logged in and experienced a negative view of God, Jesus, faith, etc… because of something that was said on here – or some ongoing blog battle with someone else that left a bad taste in your mouth. obviously, i am not the right person for everyone when it comes to helping them with their search for God. we pray that those of you who are searching, that God brings the right person along to share and help you on your journey. we also pray that somehow, somewhere God touches your heart with His love. someday i hope you all find what you might be looking for in Jesus… I do. and for those who who have already started on the path of faith in Christ, or have been there for years, i hope that together we can explore faith and learn how to hear each other despite our differences and show the world a different way. the way of Christ, and not just the way of “us”.

this post will probably stay up till the end of the week. corrie and i will then close things down, and CRP will go dark… and a chapter will end.

thanks for joining us… God be with your hearts in love, grace, brokenness and peace.

- Chris and Corrie

Beware: this post is hopefully an honest and heartfelt discussion of sex, porn and lust…

thanks, chris

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i had seen this story on my yahoo! page and had wanted to write about it. and then we saw it on “saturday night live” as part of the “weekend news” segment. the story was “Church Hosts ‘Porn and Pancakes’ Event“. the event will take place at the Living Word Assembly of God Church in upstate New York. it will be led by “the XXXChurch“.

i love what these guys are doing at “the XXXChurch”. i support them fully and have a link to their site on the side too. i have written them to see if there is anything i can do in the way of promoting them, being a safe/personal accountability partner to guys no matter the profession (including pastor) who are struggling with porn. i realize that the old church guard believes it’s crossing the line even to talk about it, let alone struggle with it. for so long the masks have stayed in place, the walls go up, and men struggle in silence. churches/ministries are never the cause of the struggle, but in many ways they are not helping. by not making an atmosphere of safety and geniune concern, i believe we as a Global Body of Christ, not any particular church are actually sinning by not helping our brother or sister become accountable and grow. “don’t share your struggle, don’t admit your shortcummings, and last of all do not talk about sex, lust and porn. because if you do, Lord help us we will oustrisize you, kick you out, distance ourselves from you – so that most of us can go on pretending we aren’t like you”. i realize many people don’t see anything wrong with porn and stuff. but for those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus, God tells us there is a much better way to live and to stay away from that stuff.

God bless those who truly have this area of their life in a good place. i want to see the Church as a safe and helpful place for this kind of stuff. not that we need to, or should, brodcast our struggles to anyone and everyone. but i do desire it to be a place of safety and growth, with confidentiality, help and support for all who share this struggle. this is my story… i have struggled with porn since i was 12. there was a time in my teens when you could say i was probably addicted. and to share that with most people back then, would have meant my reputation and job if i had it at most churches/ministries. and by not being able to share mostly, helped me continue to hide the struggle until it all blew up and people started finding out. i have counseled, listened, read and worked on this area of my life. it is not perfect, but it is coming along. and with the help of xxxchurch, mark lasser, setting captives free, pureonline, genesis counseling and others, it is becoming possible for guys (and girls) to share and open up about their own struggles with sex and porn. for me, i also have had many guys in which i could talk about this and who would ask me tough questions (paul, andrew, john, lou, josh, jed, brett, chuck, ken(s), dan, kevin, bryan, nic and more… thank you guys!). these were truly godly men who took an interest in my life and were more concerned with my lifetime walk than their reputation, legalistic stance, pastoral/job position, etc…

when i first started dating corrie, i shared this struggle with her and she has been a support and help all along (no matter how difficult having to deal with my past was). i am not perfect still, it is still a struggle at times. i’m sure it it always will be in some way… but we have put some things in place to help me and keep me accountable. we use cyberpatrol as an internet filter. i continue to have guys in my life with whom i am accountable too and who in return are accountable to me. i realized a long time ago, that i was not the only one who struggled with this. the survey’s of how many christians, pastors, men and women that struggle with porn is a huge number. that doesn’t excuse it, it just gives some hope that we are starting to see some of the churches open up and be a healing and helpful place with this… it is my passion to see this happen in the global Church body. i want share life those who struggle like me. in case you might need a safe place to share and talk about stuff, here’s a secure and confidential email address i use to talk to connect with guys about there struggles with porn, lust, lonliness, and more. if you want, click here if you ever feel like sharing your personal journey (if you are a woman needing to talk, i will pass your story on to my wife corrie) and you can write as much or as little as you want, share a story, remain anonymous, ask for no response, etc…

i’ve been there… i mean, even as i write and post this, i still worry about some of the people who will be reading this, and how they will treat me or what they will say to others about me. and i have been honest about this for years and years with people. but it’s still a risk whenever you write something… i am passionate about guys being able to share this struggle, especially in the christian community. i wanted to put myself out there – with a growing number of others who are opening up about it. it’s a risk, but it’s a good one and it’s worth it. am i crazy for wanting to see some openess about this struggle? do you guys have a handle on this, or is it a problem in your life too? what kind of things (if any) do you do to avoid and help it? i want to hear from those of you who might be brave enough to write, if only just to know other guys struggle with this… thank you for taking this information with care and kindness. this is not an easy subject for any Christian man to talk about… but i believe it’s one we so desperately need to open up about to one another. this is just my story and thoughts. i hope they came across ok!?

honestly, i am just typing thoughts out randomly. it has bothered me that my last post was about Cho’s plays and then silence. that whole thing has bothered me so much that i really have had no urge to write or anything else.

lots of questions… not a whole lot of answers. not so much about God or faith – but more about people and how we really treat each other. or judge each other. or not care about each other. or say “whatever fells good do it”. or why God/Jesus or Christianity is so unappealing to so many – with good reason. or why on here i am in one sense worried about what a few people think, but then turn around and want to jab them with words. or how my life resembles anything of what i believe – am i part of the turn off towards God? or why am i afraid to speak passionately about Jesus for fear of offending or having someone think i’m stupid for believing in and following Jesus. or why the point of Christianity in most circles is to keep people out instead of inviting people in, or more going to them. or why looks, prestige, who you know, money, how many hands, how many friends, how much you have… is so important to us. or why i am even typing any of this. or why this blog is of any importance in the true vastness of life. or why am i so afraid of what people think about me… so much. or what kind of message i send out to people – whatever walk of life… am i ashamed of God because of trying to relevant or not offend. or how stupid this post could seem. or do i live it or just talk it…. ugh…

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“If faith is not beautiful in its practice, the it can easily devolve into an argument and a polemic… True confessional Christianity
is not a propositional faith, but expressional faith. To know something, to communicate something, you have to become something.
You have to establish`provenance. The best things in life must be known firsthand, or not at all.”

- Leonard Sweet, The Gospel According to Starbucks

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John 13:34-35 (The Message)

34-35“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

The Message (MSG)

Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

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