Beware: this post is hopefully an honest and heartfelt discussion of sex, porn and lust…
thanks, chris
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i had seen this story on my yahoo! page and had wanted to write about it. and then we saw it on “saturday night live” as part of the “weekend news” segment. the story was “Church Hosts ‘Porn and Pancakes’ Event“. the event will take place at the Living Word Assembly of God Church in upstate New York. it will be led by “the XXXChurch“.
i love what these guys are doing at “the XXXChurch”. i support them fully and have a link to their site on the side too. i have written them to see if there is anything i can do in the way of promoting them, being a safe/personal accountability partner to guys no matter the profession (including pastor) who are struggling with porn. i realize that the old church guard believes it’s crossing the line even to talk about it, let alone struggle with it. for so long the masks have stayed in place, the walls go up, and men struggle in silence. churches/ministries are never the cause of the struggle, but in many ways they are not helping. by not making an atmosphere of safety and geniune concern, i believe we as a Global Body of Christ, not any particular church are actually sinning by not helping our brother or sister become accountable and grow. “don’t share your struggle, don’t admit your shortcummings, and last of all do not talk about sex, lust and porn. because if you do, Lord help us we will oustrisize you, kick you out, distance ourselves from you – so that most of us can go on pretending we aren’t like you”. i realize many people don’t see anything wrong with porn and stuff. but for those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus, God tells us there is a much better way to live and to stay away from that stuff.
God bless those who truly have this area of their life in a good place. i want to see the Church as a safe and helpful place for this kind of stuff. not that we need to, or should, brodcast our struggles to anyone and everyone. but i do desire it to be a place of safety and growth, with confidentiality, help and support for all who share this struggle. this is my story… i have struggled with porn since i was 12. there was a time in my teens when you could say i was probably addicted. and to share that with most people back then, would have meant my reputation and job if i had it at most churches/ministries. and by not being able to share mostly, helped me continue to hide the struggle until it all blew up and people started finding out. i have counseled, listened, read and worked on this area of my life. it is not perfect, but it is coming along. and with the help of xxxchurch, mark lasser, setting captives free, pureonline, genesis counseling and others, it is becoming possible for guys (and girls) to share and open up about their own struggles with sex and porn. for me, i also have had many guys in which i could talk about this and who would ask me tough questions (paul, andrew, john, lou, josh, jed, brett, chuck, ken(s), dan, kevin, bryan, nic and more… thank you guys!). these were truly godly men who took an interest in my life and were more concerned with my lifetime walk than their reputation, legalistic stance, pastoral/job position, etc…
when i first started dating corrie, i shared this struggle with her and she has been a support and help all along (no matter how difficult having to deal with my past was). i am not perfect still, it is still a struggle at times. i’m sure it it always will be in some way… but we have put some things in place to help me and keep me accountable. we use cyberpatrol as an internet filter. i continue to have guys in my life with whom i am accountable too and who in return are accountable to me. i realized a long time ago, that i was not the only one who struggled with this. the survey’s of how many christians, pastors, men and women that struggle with porn is a huge number. that doesn’t excuse it, it just gives some hope that we are starting to see some of the churches open up and be a healing and helpful place with this… it is my passion to see this happen in the global Church body. i want share life those who struggle like me. in case you might need a safe place to share and talk about stuff, here’s a secure and confidential email address i use to talk to connect with guys about there struggles with porn, lust, lonliness, and more. if you want, click here if you ever feel like sharing your personal journey (if you are a woman needing to talk, i will pass your story on to my wife corrie) and you can write as much or as little as you want, share a story, remain anonymous, ask for no response, etc…
i’ve been there… i mean, even as i write and post this, i still worry about some of the people who will be reading this, and how they will treat me or what they will say to others about me. and i have been honest about this for years and years with people. but it’s still a risk whenever you write something… i am passionate about guys being able to share this struggle, especially in the christian community. i wanted to put myself out there – with a growing number of others who are opening up about it. it’s a risk, but it’s a good one and it’s worth it. am i crazy for wanting to see some openess about this struggle? do you guys have a handle on this, or is it a problem in your life too? what kind of things (if any) do you do to avoid and help it? i want to hear from those of you who might be brave enough to write, if only just to know other guys struggle with this… thank you for taking this information with care and kindness. this is not an easy subject for any Christian man to talk about… but i believe it’s one we so desperately need to open up about to one another. this is just my story and thoughts. i hope they came across ok!?
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